Friday, February 18, 2011

As Heard From the Mouth of S

"What if I'm in a car crash and I become a vegetarian?"
-said in all seriousness while discussing life insurance/estate planning

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Dear Dishwasher

Dear Dishwasher,
I love having you in our family. You make my life easier and allow me to spend valuable time doing other things besides dishes, dishes, dishes. I even appreciate the fact that you are now taking your own initiative in turning yourself on and off and judging for yourself whether the dishes inside of you need the "heated dry" option or not. But the fact of the matter is: you have a thing or two (or six) to learn before you start making those kinds of judgment calls. Let me tell you how it is.
1. Washing the dishes does absolutely no good if there is no soap in the dispenser. No good. Even if you run the cycle four times a day. No good. And who puts the soap in? Me. After I put the soap in, THEN you can run a cycle. Once.
2. The dishes always need to be dried. Always. If not, I am really not saving any valuable time by putting you to use, since I pretty much wash everything before I put it in, and if you do not use "heated dry", then I have to dry everything when I take it out. Do you see how this leaves you as an unnecessary step in the process?
3. I really would have liked a warm shower the other night. Much more than I liked rinsed and re-rinsed dishes. Just sayin'.
4. When I accidentally bump into you (thus closing the door that was intentionally propped open to save the dishes from yet another unwarranted cycle), it is not your cue to spray water all over the dishes again! Please!
5. I know we have hard water, and I hope someday we will have soft water, but I always buy that really expensive Dishwasher Magic and Lemi Shine just for you! And it is wasted when you continually rinse the dishes without drying them. This could mean your demise, you know.
6. Speaking of expense, heating up all that water is not cheap ya know!
In short, if you do not kindly comply with my wishes (as indicated by the buttons I push) rather than doing your own thing, you could be replaced! And soon! At the very least, expect a visit from a local Maytag serviceman in the near future.
Your Owner